“I’ve been searching so long…to find an answer” – Chicago

As someone who is innately curious, and a believer in life-long learning, it seems I am always on some quest or another. Ok, and to be completely honest, it is also because I get bored easily and need distractions. But I have come to realize that all this searching is not always a good thing. It all depends on the first, most important step: Embracing what is.

I heard someone say the other day something so sadly true that I needed to write it down:

I know what works, but I’ll try everything else first, 

because I know that I can always go back to what works.

Yep, that’s me.

I have a couple of situations in my life currently that I would like to change. So, being the good adventurer, I do the research and prep for the journey. And now it’s been a year and nothing’s changed and I am beyond frustrated. When I was bemoaning my lack of clarity or action to a friend, instead of giving me the answers, she gifted me with a mirror. I can finally see what has been happening: I have not started these journeys with the full acceptance of what is. Without that, my energy and intentions are all on the search, and I can now see that is EXACTLY what I was given: lots and lots of opportunities to search. 

As the quote from my wise friend said, I know the answer. I have been shown it over and over again. Many years ago, we had wanted to add to our family of two boys, and tried and tried to no avail. When did it finally happen? When we accepted that what we had was pretty great already. When I was looking for a new home a few years ago, I searched and searched for months, to no avail. Again, the energy was going into the search. Once I accepted that I could just stay in the area and it would work out, I found my perfect home. 

It has happened with work as well. The same friend/mirror reminded me of a scenario that used to happen to me ALL the time, and frankly, drove me a little crazy. I would be looking for coaching clients, and would find none. So, I’d decide that, fine, I’ll NOT do coaching, I’ll focus on speaking engagements. And without fail, within a week of that decision, I’d get a coaching client. I used to feel the Universe was just playing with me, but I can now see that I had not fully embraced what was. What I had been fully committed to was the search, and that is what I was getting. 

So, how does one let go of the commitment to the search? Let me use my dating experience of late as an example. There are times where I feel it would be great to have a partner in crime, and I go back to the dating websites. I try one, then feel maybe I don’t have enough reach. So, I add another. And another. I get a lot of attention in the beginning, which feeds my ego, so I am hooked. Most are not anywhere near a fit, with a large number being actual fake persons. (I do pride myself now, however, on being able to spot them a mile away now, and not waste my time.) And while I do believe you need to be “in it to win it”, there is a difference between signing yourself up for a site, and being the person sitting her couch on a Saturday night months later, bemoaning her fate and asking “Why I am not meeting anyone? What is wrong with me?” Yep, been there. What is “wrong with me” is that I am putting all my energy into the search, and not celebrating who I am and what I have right now, which is incredibly great.

I am quite sure I have written articles like this before, and I have a feeling there is potential for writing it again – if I don’t learn the lesson. Gratefully, I have patient and caring people in my world who consciously, or unconsciously, are my guides to a better life and reminders of who I am, what I’ve got, and what I’ve got to give. 

I’ve been searching so long…and am so glad to be brought back to what matters: Fully grateful for this amazing life.